By Liz Blokdyk
As a social emotional learning expert who runs growth mindset workshops for elementary children, I frequently encounter the challenge of helping kids understand the value of losing. While society often glorifies winning, it is crucial for children to learn that losing is an essential part of personal growth.
Here are some tips to help your child embrace their next loss:
Before any competition, prepare your child by discussing the possibility of losing. Explain that it’s a natural part of life and an opportunity to learn and grow. Emphasize that the goal is to have fun, try their best, and enjoy the experience.
Validating Emotions
When your child loses, acknowledge their feelings of disappointment. Saying "It's okay to be sad" allows them to express their emotions openly. Share your own experiences of losing and how you dealt with it, showing them that it’s normal to feel upset but important to move forward.
Redefining Success
Help your child redefine what success looks like. Ask them questions like, "Did you learn something new?" or "Did you have fun?" Highlighting these aspects shifts the focus from winning to personal growth and enjoyment.
Stop Letting Them Win
Constantly letting your child win can rob them of the opportunity to face challenges and learn resilience. Allowing them to experience loss teaches them to handle setbacks and develop problem-solving skills. It’s through these experiences that they build character and strength.
Encouraging Growth Over Results
Praise your child for trying something new, maintaining a good attitude, or learning a new skill, regardless of the outcome. Success can be defined in many ways: having fun, being silly, or simply giving their best effort.
If losing becomes too overwhelming, reassure your child that it’s okay to take a break. Stepping away from the situation can help them process their feelings and return with a refreshed perspective.
By teaching kids to value growth over results, we help them develop resilience, empathy, and a lifelong love of learning. Losing is not a setback but a stepping stone to greater achievements and personal development.
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